woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
