I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
handjob tips. give me some.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
