I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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