Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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