The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
