You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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