God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
