4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
