Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
