I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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