I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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