DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
