Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
