I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
