You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
