I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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