I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
