Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
