Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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