i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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