i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
