I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
