I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
