There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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