i just had sex bonerless
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
