Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
