Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
