you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
