I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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