does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
