Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
