sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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