1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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