Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
