I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Shame is for Republicans.
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