it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
