so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
A+ Viking dick
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