i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
