It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
