i wish my penis had a tongue
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
