Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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