I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
