I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
