my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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