I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
