you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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