Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
