lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
