My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
