You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
what day is it and did you see me today?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
