oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
