I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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