you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
